Letʼs Talk About Virgins, Baby

virginity means belonging to yourself, and mary had sex

TW: genital mutilation

In 2019 Serene Jones, president of Union Theological Seminary, made the following comment about the virgin birth in her interview with Nicholas Kristoff for his Christianity series in the NYT:

“I find the virgin birth a bizarre claim. It has nothing to do with Jesus’ message. The virgin birth only becomes important if you have a theology in which sexuality is considered sinful. It also promotes this notion that the pure, untouched female body is the best body, and that idea has led to centuries of oppressing women.”

And there it is. *It has nothing to do with Jesus’ message.* Jesus, it has nothing to do with Jesus!

Photo by Max Beck on Unsplash

Years ago, when I was working as an OB Nurse Educator at a clinic for the medically underserved, we had a prenatal client with a “virgin conception.” We served many Somali refugees in our practice, and unfortunately female circumcision—genital mutilation—is rampant in that population. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), 230 million girls and women living today have been subjected to this human rights violation which causes problems urinating, hemorrhaging, cysts, tetanus infections, PTSD, childbirth complications, a higher risk of newborn death, and many other morbidities. All in the name of “virginity,” which really means in the name of patriarchy.

This particular woman was undeniably pregnant, but her vagina was still stitched completely closed. Obviously she was not pregnant by divine intervention, and as one of our physicians explained to me, the father of her child had ejaculated on her vulva, and sperm are really persistent swimmers. She was impregnated “naturally,” but without penetration.

I could never think of the supposed holy virgin birth the same after that.

Would purity culture and virginity idolizers think of this womanʼs story as a success? A pregnancy, a baby, and a woman still “modest.” Was this having their cake and eating it too? I mean, the man still got his jollies, plus progeny, and that’s what it’s all about, right?

Why does Jesus have to be born of a virgin to be divine? You could keep everything else the same, and in fact evangelical—God incarnate who performed miracles, was crucified and resurrected to save us from our sins, and ascended into Heaven—and ditch the virgin birth. Serene Jones is right: it has no bearing on the gospel.

There’s always talk during Advent about how Jesus came to the world “in the usual way,” but that’s disingenuous. That only refers to his birth, not his conception. Divine impregnation is not usual! (It’s also creepy, and leads Christian virgins who have only done PG stuff to take pregnancy tests). The fact that as human beings we can MAKE PEOPLE is miraculous in and of itself. Why would God need to improve upon what is already a miracle?

Photo by Mateus Campos Felipe on Unsplash

Why could divinity only be expressed through Mary’s nausea and contractions and hemorrhoids but not through her ecstasy? It’s hogwash—Mary’s clitoris was just as holy as her womb. The incarnation story devoid of female pleasure is only necessary when the function of the incarnation story is to subjugate women.

The ancient understanding of a virgin was not a woman who had never had sex, but a woman who belonged to herself. In that sense, I think Mary was absolutely a virgin. I don’t view Mary as a purity symbol to keep women submissive and obedient—that’s the patriarchy’s rebranding. No, she’s a feminist icon who insists that all women can birth world-shaking, empire-threatening, system-upending change! We carry immense power inside of us, and though our stories may be twisted to favor the patriarchy, the oppressors cannot stop us from delivering our magic into the world. Not even those who are young, poor, girls/women of color, refugees, pregnant, or slut-shamed, scorned. They cannot stop women who step into their power.

Mary was one such girl, and one badass bitch as far as I’m concerned.

Photo by Jonathan Dick, OSFS on Unsplash

It’s often said that Advent is about waiting, but I prefer to say gestating. It’s not passive; it’s active. When Mary was gestating Jesus, she sang of overthrowing rulers, uplifting the poor, feeding the hungry, and rejecting the rich. We know babies can hear their mother’s voices from inside the womb—maybe Jesus was hearing his mama’s marching orders.

What are you growing inside you? What subversive power is swelling in your being that will piss off the patriarchy and compel them to spin some bullshit about how you were just a vessel and they were actually the hero, but damnit, you’re gonna birth this thing anyways because it matters too much to do otherwise?

Photo by Andrae Ricketts on Unsplash

Virgin birth? Nah. Mary and Joseph had sex. So what? Frankly I hope Mary had multiple orgasms, and may we all be as “virginal”—as bold, as brave, as radical, as self-governing—as she was. ✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽✊✊🏻